Strength
by Khaleesi221B
Summary: As John watches the jet go, his heart is breaking and all he can think of is Sherlock. Really emotional drabble. No slash.


_Hi there, fellow Sherlockian! I'm back with yet another drabble, because...well, because His Last Vow killed me. I'm writing from John's POV for the first time, so I am a bit nervous. But I really wanted to work on all the little things that I've noticed in the episode._

_You can see it as friendship, unrequited love, bromance, not confessed romance - anything goes. I didn't want to write just a ship fic; I wanted to write an emotional drabble. Hope I made it._

_No beta read._

* * *

_"William Sherlock Scott Holmes. If you're looking for baby names." _He remembers Sherlock remembers what John said so many years ago _("Hamish. John Hamish Watson. If you're looking for baby names_"). The consulting detective has not deleted that from his mind palace. It seems to be a rather unimportant thing, yet Sherlock has kept it stored among all those important information.

John squeezes Mary's hand as he watches the jet go, taking his best friend away from him forever. John is Sherlock's pressure point, but Sherlock is not and will not be John's pressure point. Sherlock is John's strength. John will do absolutely anything for Mary, but he will not do the same for Sherlock. He trusts in Sherlock and does what Sherlock tells him when it is necessary without question. He trusts in Sherlock; he trusts in his cleverness, in his observation, in his wisdom, in his skills, in his abilities. That is not a pressure point; that is a foundation.

Sherlock has "died" for John. Sherlock has committed murder for John. Sherlock has been sent to exile for John.

He has tried so hard. With Mary (not only did he not dismiss her like all of John's previous girlfriends, but he actually convinced John to forgive her and he protected her without caring about the cost, the impact it would have on his life.

John fears (or, more accurately, knows with a dreadful certainty) that Sherlock is going to his death. Six months? No. He is going to his death. But he does not want John to know. He wants John happy, he wants John with Mary. What sort of person makes a joke before going to his death? Sherlock. Because he wants to make John smile.

John looks at Mary. She's the only beautiful thing in his life - until their daughter comes into the world at least.

However, the world is going to be empty. A world without Sherlock Holmes is empty, boring, meaningless. John hates making this sort of thoughts (he is married and his child is on the way) but it is true. He cannot fight his emotions. He cannot lie to himself. Sherlock and Mary are the most important people in John's life - and the one of them is gone. Forever. Gone somewhere that John can't follow. And now it is harder to deal with Sherlock's death (or exile, if he has actually been told the truth) because this time he knows. He knows that Sherlock cares, he knows that Sherlock loves him and can do anything for him. And they do not even need words. Sherlock did not have to say anything before leaving in order to meet his fate. Actions speak louder than words.

Sherlock's fall.

Sherlock's approval of Mary.

Sherlock's help with the wedding.

Sherlock teaching John how to waltz at his wedding party.

Sherlock's best man speech.

Sherlock's support of Mary despite her past.

Sherlock killing the man who threatened to kill John's pressure point, an action that has led to Sherlock sentencing himself to death.

John hopes (wishes, prays) that Sherlock knows that he cares. That John does love Sherlock. That John has never wanted to imagine a life without Sherlock Holmes but has done it once and now has to do it again.

Without Mary in his life, he would have died. Either he would be an empty shell, dead to the world, a ghost of his old self; or he would kill himself, hoping that there is an afterlife or heaven and he would find Sherlock there.

Now he has to be strong. A part of him is dead, but the rest of him has to live. For Mary and the baby. This is what Sherlock would want.

* * *

_Just something short. I tend to write when I'm sad, and guess what: I'm sad! How could I not be after His Last Vow? I really needed to write this, to get it off my chest. If you liked it, give me some feedback. Pretty please? :)_


End file.
